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Conditional Love

by Sarchasm

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Was I the daughter you’d always wanted Am I the son you never had? Do you feel comfortable being honest with me? Am I the only one that you’re hearing? Has no one else heard what I have? Is anybody else interested in healing? I’ll hold some space for you I have some space for you Do you feel seen and held for your valid self? Was I the baby who cried so quiet? The most low maintenance it gets Just didn’t wanna be causing one more conflict You gave me everything I could need to echo success you surely had Was I your final hope for a future maybe? Well I want more! I’m grateful for everything you give to me But there’s a price tag on everything, it seems If I amount to nothing would you love me less? You say keep making us proud and it feels It feels like a threat, but I want more I want more I can’t stop thinking about myself When I listen to you I think I’m falling apart I can’t stop thinking about myself And what I could say back I think I’m falling apart I can’t stop thinking about myself And I wish you could too Cause i’ve been thinking of you I think we’re falling apart I can’t stop thinking of everything Every single thing else I can’t help taking to heart Everything’s falling apart I am not doing this anymore for you I am now doing this for much more than you It didn’t matter to me, just you before Now I can matter to me not you Some more I’ll be more I want to be more
Crazy 02:27 video
I’m not jealous I’m just crazy About the way you say you’re over me Well guess what I’m over me too So let’s get together and talk it through Hey hey why can’t you stay The dramas pushing me away Let’s sit in bed and watch tv And you can tell me how you’re over me I’ve got a question are you happier than ever Do your parents let you leave the house without a sweater Even if you don’t I’m not jealous I’m just in denial Spilling my guts on the bathroom tile Singing do re mi don’t forget about me Do re mi don’t forget about me I’m not jealous I’m just crazy About the way you say you’re over me Well guess what I’m over me too Well guess what I’m not over you
Therapist 04:50
Just see a therapist I know you can afford it Go please handle your shit see a therapist You don’t have to be scared anymore Quit being careless and go see a therapist I don’t think you enjoy The way that you just lose control when one thing’s not right You’re buckling under the softest of slights The worse you are the worse you treat all in sight So I try not to let you down I try not to let you down You’re down Go see a therapist Make the time to explore it No one else can commit for you Bare with it they train people to help you to heal but you have to care for it Work with a therapist All those who love you attune to all that you do It’s self-preservation cause anything might set you off, anyone too And then we’re there to take it I’m seeing the hurt behind all of the hurt you’re inflicting but that doesn’t change that it hurts and it says something when you don’t try to learn not to hurt When I try not to let you down I try and you let me down You’re down Just see a therapist! Find a way to afford it With that job you won’t quit Give priority To learn treating all others with care Character development when you see a therapist Quit trying to avoid it Sort your shit don’t just quit See a therapist You can learn how to manage it more The anger you carry, you share with a therapist So stop being selfish and stewing in your shit and get yourself help that you need If not for yourself then for everyone else that you love and you hurt when you bleed Cause we’re still picking up the pieces From ten days and ten weeks tears we swallow with tea We’re still picking out the pieces Of your broken heart From our open arms I try not to let you down I try and you let me down And I try not to feel so down But I’m starting to feel let down You’re down Just see a therapist Can’t afford to ignore it Go please handle your shit see a therapist You don’t have to be scared anymore Quit being careless and just see a therapist You will be better for it Getting help is not weak it is all there is More than drowning us in your despair No one can fix up a piece that’s not there No one can help you if you don’t seek care I cannot help you it seems so unfair So quit being careless Just see a therapist Please see a therapist
Obsess too much over things that don’t matter Finding fault in every action I do Faking the part of a real adult but in the mirror it’s still always you Every day feels the same and so pointless My hobbies sit, gather rust, and for what So I can bring home a check that just barely covers rent And daydream about faking my death for fun Sucked it up and begged the HMO for help and some stability They said the blues will boost me up and the reds will keep me regulated Even though I’ve outgrown a crisis mode I’m still internally There’s just nothing It’s just. Nothing. It’s just I’m stuck in this micro survival anxiety spiral of doom Climate disaster or societal collapse It all looks the same from my room
Good News 02:19
No breaks We’re capturing no breaks When is the good news coming? Always Shit’s happening always When is the good news coming? And is it ever here to stay? And is it ever really the good news coming The good news coming soon Headaches Sky gives me a headache I think I’m allergic to the wildfires Big waves I dream about big waves How many hurricanes will we see tomorrow? Worse fate There’s always some worse fate and every turn’s got a hard pill to swallow Please stay Keep keeping on please stay I don’t have enough friends for you to die tomorrow Joy’s not loud like misery Ratings rise when we’re panicking Is there ever gonna be good news The good news coming The good news Nothing’s ever here to stay Not this pain not the human race If we don’t fight there will never be good news coming No good news coming, no Oh no
1227 02:54
I’m sitting on the couch while the rain comes down reflecting on the past two years Bitter that the plans we had got knocked around Nonetheless still grateful to be here Playing 90s hits in a small white room Sloppy messy out of tune who cares There’s nothing that we face together we can’t do A decade plus adventure gets us there And oh What a peculiar sadness to feel A pain that’s in no rush to hear Forget or move on We’ve been broke together Broken down together Survived all types of weather through the years No matter three states, three towns, three minutes apart I know we’ll always find our way back here Soaring on a stage screaming THIS YEAR SUCKED I don’t think I’ve ever felt more alive Even when the three of us are dead and gone I know what we created will survive White-knuckling the steering wheel at 3am Trying to outrun a Southern storm And even though I’m deeply homesick for my bed I wouldn’t change this memory for the world I’m sitting on the couch while the rain comes down Reflecting on the past twelve years As painful as it is to let the things you love go I’m proud of who we all grew up to be
How dare you put words in my mouth When from you they just spill out You are the hilt of a penknife, perverted By mightier swords that you had deserted Blood blisters pop pop til you run dry Blood blisters pop pop in their arms you die You, only you could let this go It’s tragic that you don’t know The victim’s legacy you can’t replace/you have erased It’s everyone’s job to keep each other safe Blood blisters pop pop til you run dry Blood brothers, is there nothing you won’t deny?
It’s a brand-new day It’s another day away The inevitability Of your inability To resist temptation’s throes Of a passion you barely know Led to believe it’s a calling As your father he is calling As you hang on the line And hang up the line Why don’t I grow up? It’s a brand-new delay 10 minutes til the A Stay the course, stay on track If there’s anything we can’t do We can never go back What a romantic thing to happen To die on the streets of Manhattan After all It’s what you wanted It’s what you’ve always wanted Right? Why did I grow up? Smash your skull on the pillar Of your studio apartment On the weight bearing wall Bear the weight of it all We all fall down It’s a brand-new day Keep the blues at bay Read the news, burned a pack You never went back Why don’t I give up? I give
You’re the last one I’d expect To be a nervous wreck Broken leases and broken hearts Can’t find the time to fall apart Live laugh love The apartment you’ve been dreaming of From mangled hulls of stolen steel To something with the curb appeal Laugh it off Your hometown is forever lost Melting in the winter heat It’s jacket season on the beach Man oh man this place is sweet Like sugar in the gas tank because You’re the last one I’d expect To be a nervous wreck If everyone were to jump ship You’d be the last one left What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? LA isn’t big enough for you two I’m not happy til you’re not happy too I’m moving out Is what I wish I could say Out of the roller coaster cityscape It’s ups and downs and no escape I’m moving out, I’m moving out I wish I could stay here oh well
Lorem Ipsum 03:42
​​The monster we’ve created Is better off left alone The mothers we’ve frustrated Slap our wrists for getting stoned But I can’t live without it It tears me limb from limb The jaws of life won’t do it Kill the wreckage from within But I can’t change If you stay the same Stand united on the blacktop By the gutters and the pearly grates Model kitchens and martyred Christians The saviors of the human race But you can’t live without this The utility it comes first Tear it up and salt the ground So, it can’t quite quench the thirst One more night Feels like weeks Stayed up late Can you hear me speak You can’t hear me speak But I can’t change If you stay the same We can’t change If you stay the same
The coffee shop we met at got priced out It happened without warning One spring day they just shut down Berkeley shrugged and rolled its eyes Luxury condos won the prize That empty corner building breaks my heart on each drive by The warehouse we threw shows at disappeared I know its days were numbered It only lived for a couple years Oakland didn’t really care One less taproom to share the air So they scrubbed all evidence it’d ever been there How do we define the life we try to live together When all the landmarks that we claim don’t last? Just repeat to yourself Everything’s gonna be alright Eventually it’s gonna be fine Do the healing that we need to do Plant some roots and grow It doesn’t matter where as long as there’s a view The girl whose shoes I grew up in is dead In her place stands the man I hope I’ve learned to be instead Maybe landmarks aren’t everything Cause I still can find my way around This place that’s changed as much as I have since Maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s just growing up Maybe it’s learning, maybe it’s feeling unconditional love Everything’s changing and my arms are open wide To fight for a future we wanna see with you right by my side Everything’s gonna be alright I don’t know when, but it will Everything’s gonna be alright All you gotta do is The only condition is survive I know we all have to grow up someday and I know you’re gonna find the love you want because We’ve outlasted plenty of structures, plenty of venues and more And I know, it’s not the end for you it’s just a rough patch Some bad years to get through and one day We can look back on this together and laugh One day, it’s all going to be fine One day, this pain will just be memory cause I know everything's gonna be alright


released December 2, 2022


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Sarchasm Berkeley, California

Sarchasm are three introverts with lisps of varying severity and radically different coffeeshop orders, unified by their love of superheroes, burritos, and ugly button-up shirts. They make music about mountains and friendships gone wrong.

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